Changing learned habits
A few weeks ago, I was on a call with an executive female leader that I’ve developed a close working relationship with over the past few months. We were discussing a difficult conversation she was gearing up to have. As she thanked me at the end of the call, I instinctively made a joke to diminish my contribution to helping her navigate this challenge. I’m grateful that she called my attention to a pattern that on some level I was aware of. My off the cuff response was the habit came from too many years in corporate.
Reflecting, it occurred to me that this wasn’t just a bad habit I’d developed. This was a behavior that I’d learned to deploy to insert my opinion and perspective into a conversation and ensure I was heard, even if someone else ultimately took credit. I had a whole slew of phrases at my fingertips, “I’m still learning, but…”, “I’m not the subject matter expert, but…” “I don’t know how much I helped here, you got to the solution…” - the list goes on.
My lived experience was that leading or wrapping with minimizing statements increased the likelihood that my observation or idea would be heard, considered and discussed by the men around the table. The reality is that women in a corporate setting are labeled if they are too confident or outspoken - ‘difficult’ or ‘emotional’ are words I’d often heard my male colleagues deploy to describe women who held and shared strong viewpoints. In my human resources seat, I saw first hand the impact these perceptions had in performance reviews, compensation adjustments, career investment and even hiring decisions. This can lead women, like myself, to feel the need to downplay their abilities or ideas in order to avoid these perceptions and their consequences while ensuring their ideas are ultimately heard.
The pressure to be accommodating, even when women have valid concerns or ideas that could benefit the company is costing the people it impacts and the organizations they work for. It is well documented that businesses that are more diverse have better business outcomes. Well, better business outcomes are realized in diverse workforces only if the corporate culture enables authentic diversity of thought and inclusive environments in which everyone is empowered to speak and be heard. In the absence of this, diverse employees may be present but will not always feel safe bringing their ideas and thoughts to the table. Ultimately, this means businesses lose out on a key competitive advantage.
So, what can be done to combat this? First, it is important for women to recognize when they are downplaying their abilities or ideas and to challenge and change those thoughts. Women should seek out mentors or allies in the workplace who can provide support and advocate for their contributions. Companies must take steps to create a more inclusive and supportive workplace culture that goes beyond trainings, surveys and policies. Systemic change of this magnitude requires time, accountability, consistency and the willingness to take positive action even when it is hard.
